16 Oct For all the little things…
Sharing What I’m Thankful For
I imagine that all too often we realize too late that what matters most are the little things we take for granted. It’s our 5th Thanksgiving since my Mom got diagnosed. Of course all holidays are hard because you try to be as happy and excited as everyone else while facing everything that’s changed, everything that’s gone. Thanksgiving is my favourite holiday and one especially meaningful now as I step back and search for things to be grateful for in the gradual loss of my Mom.
I’m thankful that after we plated the food, my Mom independently ate her dinner, her pumpkin pie, and drank hot apple cider.
I’m thankful that when she looked me in the eyes yesterday and smiled, I knew she was truly happy to see me, her daughter.
I’m thankful that my Mom hugged me, kissed my cheek and told me she loved me like my Mom.
All of those things do not happen every day and will never happen regularly again. We all know that in life everything changes over time, we never know where we will be in a year or even a week from now. I guess one twisted benefit of Alzheimer’s disease is sort of knowing what the future holds. There are no treatments, no fighting it, no real hope that things can turn around. There aren’t many other options than to deal with it the best that you can and continue moving forward.
It’s the hardest I’ve ever had to work, it’s exhausting, it’s demanding but I try to gradually accept what we cannot change. I’ve learned that every pleasant moment we share together is the best it’ll ever be because things only worsen over time. I’ve looked back at moments I thought were horrible that in hindsight were pretty good compared to now. So I know that now, in moments that are trying, these could be the moments I look back on next October and wish for. Through periods of decline and plateaus we have to cling on to what my Mom can do and what we can still share until more is lost.I hope no matter how bad this gets, and we know it will get bad…that I can always find moments with my Mom to be thankful for. This year those are my moments.